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Location: Arcadia → Mahoroba Date: October 17, 2658 Time: 0430 |
Resting HR: 53 BPM Target Active HR: 120 BPM Current Active HR: 167 BPM (??) |
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Running always felt like the sort of catharsis he desperately needed, but often refused to allow himself. He could disguise it as keeping fit, looking after his physical wellbeing, a hobby left over from his time in service, but the façade never held up for long. At least not to himself. The beauty of it all was that nobody would think to question why the doctor was out running in the early morning or late evening hours, because of course he would need to fit his little hobby around his hectic schedule.
The ugliness came from the lack of outside curiosity, leaving plenty of room for him to analyze what he was very pointedly trying not to think about. If he turned the volume of his ear buds up high enough, if his feet hit the ground hard enough, he could very nearly drown out the seared in deep memories of the crying and the screaming, agonized screaming, always for mama, sometimes for home, mostly unintelligible as the medication or catastrophic blood loss took over. |
If he concentrated on the heavy beating of his heart, now reaching a concerning maximum, he could drown out the sensory imprint of what a soldier's blood felt like on his bare hands. It was just his sweaty palms and not Private First Class Mercer bleeding out as he tried to hold what he knew was a fatal wound together, because medi-gel did fuck all for evisceration. Worst still was that they both knew it, and both understood that Hollis's words shh hey now, you're gonna be alright, I got you, I'm right here were so the last thing the kid heard was something comforting and not the terrible cacophony reverberating around them.
So he had taken up running at odd hours so nobody would witness his breath hitching painfully in a way not at all due to exertion when he finally came to a stop. He would march back upstairs to his unit for a cool shower, telling himself that the guilt was misplaced, time to move on, and he would convince himself he had done exactly that by the time he had his first coffee of the day. |
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